And sometimes in life, there are things in life which just pass by you. You may be entertained by them, but you’re the least bit affected by it. You are the least bit changed, or moulded by such things, or events. And these times of life are when you live a life which I’d like to refer to as ‘The Boat’. You just float through life, you are not overtly affected by it, your happiness and sorrow fall between two very discrete close, possibly overlapping bounds. These are times when nothing in life bothers you, nothing in life seems to have a change on you. Things refuse worrying you. Events refuse worrying you. This state of mind is what almost everyone wants in life. Everyone wants enough money, so money is never a problem. Enough power, so authority is never a power. Enough health, so health is never a problem. Quite surprisingly it’s not the case with happiness.

This is when I relate to my life. Marks, studies, people, money- they just come and go. There are events in life which might affect you so much, hurt you, or pull you from down under that you’re never the same again. And you could become the person that you always wanted to become. Cold down under, unaffected by anything else, reaching the state of bliss that gives you the vaccine against everything. Gives you the kind of force shield you always wanted against unwanted feelings, unwanted desires, unwanted needs. And that is what I became, two months before.

Living in the sea of life, rowing slowly, just sunbathing myself through my life. And this is the kind of person I had always probably wanted to become. The kind of person who doesn’t care about anything else, where things in life just find him invisible. Invisibility, inconspicuousness, randomness. My thought process did not last more than 2 minutes. Instinct controlled life. It was the world of chaotic balance. A sea of chaos channelled such that a response for all possible situations were just pre-programmed. Each answer was the simplest it could get. Outcomes, after-effects never mattered. Things always fell in place, either magically, or because the power of instinct is further than a human mind could explain.

This is a state of mind which suits most people, but me. I need my ups, my downs. I need to know that I’m living life. I need to be hit with a wooden plank, and woken up from my slumber. I need to experience the highs, the lows. Love needs to touch me, hate preferably not. I need to fall into an infinitely deep well, only to realise that I come out from the other end of the world. I need to reach the sun, and then fall of from there. It’s this burning desire to live an active life, even if failure comes by, that kept me alive, and I failed to realise that. It’s the complete presence of chaos, multiple feelings, multiple thoughts, multiple sights, that makes me perform the complex dance of life. Life is so intricate, that the moment events stop affecting you, you live for nothing, and nothing is worth living for. That’s the moment I wanted the most, but hated the most when I was through it. It’s that moment that you pay the most for, but you realise it’s value only when you posses it. I needed to dance, I needed to sing, I needed to shout, and then sleep only because I was tired.

And it was then, that I was waiting to be pulled out of the black hole, sooner or later.

It was then I was pulled out of it. It was a complex web of people, events and desires that just shot me out of there. Sometimes there are just things in life that define a  person, knowingly or unknowingly. These are things that we need to preserve the most, and live along treasuring the chaos. And I thank you for showing my way out.

So what is your take on it? Live it differently, or live it with a difference?

And, just as things culminate at a point, just as your heart feels perfection, just as life is as focussed as a spear, it changes. And that is what surprises me about life. The perfect rhythmic unfocused synchrony of life is truly amazing. And that is precisely what Bangalore was. A bagful of hopes and expectations, and a great amount of disappointment.  A disappointment which induced a different spirit. A spirit to discover more of the untouched beauty of the land. The desire to uncover, the desire to live up to the different expectations of Bangalore, the desire  to make me feel Bangalore is good.

And that is how the journey began. Day 2 of Bangalore, sneaking out of workshop on ethics in electronics, we ventured into a new city! Day one was not very eventful, with a casual peek into the city and a conference to attend after the sun set. However, the following day was a perfect mixture of love and hate, of joy and sorrow, of energy and the lack of it.  After skipping our “great” conference, and eating a decent breakfast, we headed out into the city. The city so random, and so disorganized, just like my heart at that time. A quick call, and a quick auto-rickshaw ride away was UB City. A mall so magnificient, so immensely intimidating, so empowering, so amazingly enormous, not just by it’s stature or size, but by the cost of items inside. It was raw intimidation. It was probably the only place in Bangalore that could make anyone feel poor. And for that reason, we couldn’t hang in there for longer, we couldn’t breathe in peace. And for that very reason, did we leave. We did leave that place as soon as possible.

And we walked all the way to Garuda mall, all the way to notice it was a small mall. A mall not adhering to our will, giving in to the demands made to the city! Nevertheless, a decent meal followed. After chilling out for longer, we left into another place, another place, just to bowl, just to have some fun. And that turned out to amazing. Amoeba was the place, and the ambience was immensely purifying, and catering to our hearts And just like that time flew. We returned, had dinner, and we left to Manipal.

And all the way through, somewhere in between, I pondered over the cities. Can the big cities make/kill someone’s dream? Can the the brilliant power of a city eat up people alive? Can the the undying nature of raw energy spread onto everyone? Everyone who belongs to the city. I realised that the best things in life happen when you least expect them to. And things always happen for the best when one doesn’t keep his expectations too high. And just as my six weeks in Manipal have been enjoyed, and just as my weekends have been a road trip away, just as my life has been a vagabond’s on weekends, it has been great. The million instances of pure happiness when a person travels is amazingly high, and for that, shall man keep travelling, through the bushes and the desert, through the thorns and the swamps, through unending caves, all through his heart, in his soul.

And it is precisely this journey of man, that would enable him to endear the future, create happiness, and destroy sorrow. It is this unending journey of the soul that makes a man grow, grow to his fullest, and it is his will to make the best use of it.

I landed in Tunis, at about mid-day, and I was greeted by two great people who identified me from a really bad passport-size photo I had previously mailed. Immediately, they made me comfortable. And within no time I was accustomed to the city. As they drove me past the city, As I was just staring at the city, As I was getting accustomed to the heat, As I was repeating for my accent was bad, I knew that that place was my home for the next month and a half. First day, I was taken around by one of them, and shown around. In the evening, we went to the supermarket. I was surprised at the duration of sunlight, and I realized that I had to get used to that. And as I sat in a room after dinner, chatting about life in general, and evolution, more people joined in. I was surprised at how friendly the people were, and the ease at which a conversation could be made. I stuck low, always knowing that I represent my country. I loved the culture of being a student at work, an intern, a trainee-the immediate bonding was inexplicable.

And just like that, time flew. I met one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen, I met one of the most intellectual people I had ever known, and I met one of the most sarcastic guys I had ever conversed with. Living by the beach, playing football by the week, travelling to nearby places for the weekend- and that’s how my first fortnight was spent. People came, and people left. And the people who left before I did had a great impact on me. My heart was wounded, and got mended pretty soon by power of friendship. I had eventually built a rock-solid friendship with people of my kind, people who I cared for, people who I loved deep inside. I made sisters, I made admirers, I made role models, and I made memories which never could be erased!

And all of a sudden, all so randomly, one more person arrives. Powered with vigor and the uncanny ability to never lose energy, she stimulated the interest and reason to live life with energy. Every day was a mission; Everyday was a goal; Everyday was the undying possibility of doing something never done before. And this is how days got more exciting, and nights got calmer. The calmness and the power of the night is realized when the day is utilized perfectly. And as the days got more exciting and random, the nights got more focused, and determined. And this is how my next fortnight passed.

As the days passed by, as the reasons in life were realized, as a comfort zone was reached, things were rattled again. People shifted into a new accommodation, and slowly the divide was created. Two groups of people were formed; one comprising of the old, experienced group, and one consisting of the “newbies”. They say when separation is reached, do people realize how much one cares for the other, and whoever made this is completely right. As the next few days passed, there was more of general travelling, and socializing with a lot of new people. Few great places were visited, and few things were achieved, that I had never done before. Dancing till dawn, getting to sleep after 6 in the morning, sunbathing at 40 degrees; All so new!

And just as quickly as I got to Tunisia, my last week was already there. We were on a never-ending south-trip, which was fortunately infinite. A trip of my dreams! The vastness of the desert was truly inspiring, just as much as it’s calmness. The brilliant beauty of the wind, shaped so beautifully by the sand it carried and the complete randomness of nature which created a water source, in the middle of a desert was just so inspiring. Life was refueled, and reshaped by the completeness of the trip of my life. People got closer, by the heat in the bus, by the forced separation due to the camels, by the realistic beauty of nature and the unending desires in life.

And just as the trip was to complete, did a few people realize that the end is near, and that life takes away all it gives. For it gives you immense happiness, and then it finds a way later to rip your heart, for it shows you that love can be found in a place far from your comfort zone, for it shows you the importance of making the most of your time. The last week was all about leaving, and it got a bit depressing at times. Soul-crunching goodbyes and suppressed tears, it became tough to bear it all.

As I was travelling back to India, the unending flight journey stimulated a chain of thoughts in my yet so immature brain. Travelling can cure your heart, can fill your head, can create a spark of inspiring thoughts, can define freedom, can show your heart and can help you discover yourself. And that arises a question-“As one travels, and gets accustomed to adapt, does he still enjoy new sights, and thoughts, like before?” Whatever be the answer, I think the unending journey of life would only be discovered by traveling and unearthing new paradigms, and not by the darkness in a room, not by books, not by the gloomy suffocation of a single place. The soul needs to flow, and the mind needs it’s freedom, and I personally feel that the energy and freedom in travelling can never be replaced by any other feeling.

It is truly sad that we have gone through all this, and I’m having to write this now. As usual, this post is also vaguely related, and majorly unrelated. Though I wasn’t there at the place or the venue of attack and was hundreds of miles away, the attack came as a major blow to me. The untouched place had been touched. The once invulnerable Mumbai had succumbed for two whole days. Work paused, schools gave holidays, the city had virtually come to a standstill. 

There were days when I used to be proud of being a resident of Mumbai. There were days in my hostel, where we used to have quarrels of which is better:Delhi or Mumbai. And a basic point of our great speeches used to generally be the fact that Mumbai was a very safe city. And now it looks like it’s a different story. Terrorism is a blow to the nations security, and is not only that, it is an embarrassment to the government.

The definition of terrorism is rather lost in today’s world. Looking at the word, it gives one the impression that this rather ugly word defines terror. It means to create, spread and propagate terror. The terrorists who bravely entered Mumbai by a path not many would have thought about created one of the countries most historical events. Even the world would not forget it.

They bombed the Taj, the Fired at policemen, they made train stations unsafe, but most of all they created terror. Terror so much so that my mother would call me constantly and display her fear. So much so that Schools were made to declare holidays. So much so that people still fear having to meet publicly. Mumbai had lost what defined it in a split second.

But then came the marine officers, and the army personnel. With a charisma so powerful that people looked up to them. And then the story of how a constable managed to catch a terrorist by putting his life on the line. And how one of India’s most feared terrorist attack came to an end.

It took time for Mumbai to heal. It had to take time. And it’s not completely healthy now either. But small things like that can save millions of lives from succumbing to their fears. Terrorism cannot be killed by more violence. It cannot be killed by weapons. Terrorism fears it’s worst enemy: Goodwill. Counter-Terrorism is not advanced attacks, or just gate-crashing into another country. Counter-Terrorism is all about preaching what Terrorism does not preach.

If the heads of such Terrorist organizations can instil their point of view in the minds of young men and women, while they are not yet mature, then why can’t we, being civilians of this country preach to our fellow beings that fear is bad, and so is terrorism. It’s all the way how you look at it. People might fight for an unworthy cause, thinking that’s what they are made for. People might give their lives for it. They might just ruthlessly succumb to the worlds biggest joke. But there will be a point, whether during their life, or the after life that they will realise that what they have done isn’t just a mistake, it’s a blunder. They followed their leaders even without reading the scriptures. No faith preaches terrorism. Nowhere in the any ancient book has it so been mentioned.

But looking at all of these in a more philosophical way, The one above just wants to make sure that we don’t take life for granted. Every second, every moment is precious, because we never know what might happen to us. He makes us realise the importance of life, and give purpose to life. He gives something we just might have forgotten to notice. Some things like this to give a man his purpose.

I am still proud to be a resident of Mumbai, because people here are intelligent, and will rise back to life as it was before.

I am proud not to be a terrorist, because life is important.

And most of all, I’m happy/proud to be alive.

My dad surprisingly agreed to get me a mobile I want. And even more astonishing was the fact that he was ready to take me instantly. It was a very surprisng day. So we decided to check out two mobile shops in the area, since we didn’t have the time and the patience for more. We walked to one of them.

The first one did not have the mobile of my choice. Many other similar mobiles, but not the one I had set my mind to. They tried to convince me to get other mobile phones, but I ended up convincing them to get the mobile into their outlet. So I’ll mostly get a call tomorrow from them and the price quoted also was convincing, so all is good.

The second one surprisingly had the mobile phone. The same one I wanted, but it was considerably overpriced. It was a lot less than its MRP, but not low enough for healthy competition in a mobile market. It was just a little less than my quoted price, but still I didn’t settle for it. Again, they tried to convince me to get the mobile, and again did I convince them to give a second thought to their price.

I walked home a happy person. Surprising to be happy without a new mobile. I realised it wasn’t about the mobile phone. It wasn’t materialistic. It was the fact that I didn’t settle for anything less than expected. Nothing less than what I felt was the best satisfied me, and that did bring me little joy, even in a river of sorrow caused due to an inavailability of good phone/price.

Sometimes you tend to lose something right in front of you, because you want better. Sometimes you get what you want because you settle for nothing less. It is quite contradictary. There is a world of difference in the paths you follow. Maybe someday you’d regret that you didn’t settle for what you didn’t think was the best. Maybe not. Maybe someday you’d be happy that you didn’t settle for the second best, because you achieved what you wanted in the end. So it all boils down to what choice you take.

And a choice sometimes is not easy to take. It’s even tougher to take if you think rationally. The key to choosing is to stop thinking. Leave your mind and heart free, and they will choose for themselves. Sometimes, you might mistake what you really want to choose as what your heart chooses. But in the long run, you’d learn to trust and identify when your mind makes a decision.

When you realise that, you realise the soul within yourself. You learn to sharpen your instinct. The line between instinct and the decision of your soul is very thin. They overlap once the soul has reached a level of complete intellectual joy. It is quite funny, that some things your soul does might make you sorrow. But the small truth behind it is that, the sorrow your soul causes is an investment to joy later on.

Maybe I made the wrong decision today. Maybe not. I think I trusted my heart. I can’t be sure of that, because I’m not intellectual enough to identify the difference. Maybe my dad might change his mind later on. Maybe I did not seize the moment to get a mobile phone. But ultimately I’d remain happy that I did not pay more than how much I wanted to.

And I think thats what matters.

I’m not saying that I have realised my goal. Nor do I think I’m worthy enough to have realised my goal. I may be overly philosophical while writing, or it’s just that I just love life. I just feel life is very easy once you realise your goal, and sometimes I do feel eternally, sublimely happy. Maybe thats when my inner self gets over my senses. Maybe thats the happiness we look for throughout our life. Maybe not. But as long as there is a probability of it being true, this blog is worth writing.

It’s been just about 2 days since I’ve returned from Hyderabad. I’m not writing this post about Hyderabad. However, Hyderabad is a good place. I enjoyed roaming around, and its vastness. I was there for 2 days, and it’s not enough if you want to see even one-twentieth of the place. The reason for my trip was my cousins thread ceremony. It’d been a long time since I’d seen him, so there was more reason for me to be there.

The thread ceremony was also secondary. There was a huge gathering. Friends, relatives, lots of people I knew. And they were also surprised, and happy to see me after a long time. I mixed well with everyone. Everyone. From the age of 5, to 75. I found many new friends in my relatives. It was a great experience. I found friends in a 5 year old kid. It’s not about the age, or the games you play, or the words you speak. It’s about how connected you are. I had fun with my grand dad also. We talked about my life in hostel, or hostility (lol). We talked about many things. Relevant, or not. I could see an aura of happiness. Everyone around me was filled with joy. Primarily because of a good function, but also because I entertained them. From what I spoke, to how I spoke, how I compained, how I walked. Everything made them laugh, or atleast smile. And even though it was directed at me, I felt extremely happy.

Looking back at those two fruitful days, I realised that I was nearly at the height of my happiness. I didn’t have my laptop too, which is quite surprising, considering I was even happy without it. On my way back, spending countless hours on my train journey, my mind pondered to think about those two days. I realised a small thing, which I might’ve felt before. I feel happy when I make others happy. My happiness lies in others’ joy. I realised that joy is infective, and can spread like wildfire. I realised that joy doesn’t lie in the way you smile, but in your eyes. A lot can be conveyed with your eyes, and a lot can be secretly stolen from yourself with just an eye conctact. The eye is the worlds most powerful organ. But that is not the point of this post.

I felt extremely happy, that everyone were rejoicing around me. A different kind of happiness. I was sublimely happy. I’ve not experienced it many times before. Maybe I have. The kind of happiness when I can look at a dog and make it come to me. The kind of happiness when I stare into a bull’s eye, and calm it down. The kind of happiness when I gaze into a friend’s eye, and realise that that person is not going through a good patch. With a second gaze, I make them realise that the world is a great place. With the third, they forget about what they were going through. With the fourth, they start life new emotionally. It doesn’t always happen. Although when it does, gives me eternal joy. Only other thing that can give me such joy is someone/something special.

That’s when I realised, that maybe my life’s goal is to make everyone happy. It is to entertain. To create an aura of joy. Mentally, or emotionally. Maybe not directly, or even indirectly from me. Sometimes, even without me in the picture. Maybe it is my life’s goal, maybe not. But that they say that the greatest truths are uncovered while trying to unsolve an unresolved puzzle.

And so I hope that this is not a truth I might leave behind, while looking for something bigger.

Right now, I’m sitting at Mangalore Airport, looking back at all of last year. It started of pretty slow. Once we got to know people, we had a lot of interaction. From playing cards to Jumping around in the hostel. Table tennis was also fun. Shouting at midnight for Laptops, and later on daring enough to do that in NLH itself. Then Finally the laptops came, and so did the decline of our grades. About a month later, came our bicycles. They were pretty good, and loads of fun. I used to ride around for like a n hour a day with Jong. It was awesome fun. Then Came the end of the semester. Towards the end, things always tend to unknowingly speed up.

Then Came the start of the next semester. I ended up two days early, which ironically appeared as if I just came to mock Bibek. Bibek was a lot fatter then, and we decided to go jogging. The jogging experiences were the best. It was rejuvenation for me. It tired me; it made me enjoy mess food, and made me thin. Three things I longed for then. Abruptly stopping again, we went back to our usual routine. All of a sudden, me and a few others gelled and formed a good friends group. We hung out a lot, and had hell loads of fun. Sessionals were to come, and people were back to their usual routine. But sometime around that time, I came to know another person, and that was another life changing incident. That was a happy time for everyone, and it was fun looking at one of my other close friends screwing things all this time.

Some things that happened this semester were completely etched in my head, and will always be. Some others, I know will die, hence writing them down. In all of this, 5^th block was a very integral part of out life. It was our hub of fun. It is something we will always relish, and always die to return to. The view, the lack of fast internet-Everything was something i’ll remember.

Now I’ve been called for Security Check-So time to leave.

Hopefully, All will be the same next semsester

So what bothers us the most is-Are we enjoying the true essence of life with all this momentary fun, or are we just sacrificing the better things in life for the worse?

Partying, Enjoying, Celeberating, everyone has their own style to welcome the year. But, our family is a slight different when it comes to the new year. We celebrate new years’ with a slight difference. We cut a plum cake at the stroke of the hour, and pray to god. After all, its a new beginning, and meant to be started with a bang. Unlike others, we do not believe in noisy starts, and materialistic fun and love. Its rather mastering our soul with the peaceful start, and have a new beginning, renewing our spirits with inner love, and fun.

We don’t count the number of minutes to the end of 2007, but the number of minutes to the start of  2008. We don’t stay awake till midnight, but we get up before midnight. We don’t get drunk and dance till the stroke, rather gather all of ourselves till midnight to spread out happiness like a torch in mid air. We don’t enjoy just for the sake of enjoying, but we enjoy for the sake of living. We don’t pray to God for the future, but thank him for the past.

If you call partying as enjoying, What do you call what we do………..?